To all my readers who write in to tell me something like, "spanking is both an effective deterrent to future misdeeds, and a means of firmly capturing the child's attention", here is my answer: Hold your hand next to your son's hand and compare the size. Then compare your son's hand to the hand of a one-year-old. If that baby took his toy and your son hit the baby to inflict an "effective deterrent to future misdeeds and as a means of firmly capturing his attention" what would you do? Is such hypothetical behavior aggressive violence?

In my view, whenever a bigger person hits a littler person it's aggressive violence. You don't leave a mark? Bravo! You are controlled -- and smart enough to avoid accusations of abuse. You never hit in anger? Ah, your spanking is a coldly calculated act. You model behavior that teaches your son adults hurt children deliberately. You want to effectively deter unwanted behavior in your son and teach him consequences? Can you find no way to do this other than spanking? How limited your knowledge of children and parenting skills must be!